don't go in the water

or think about murderers

one of the worst things my brain does is wait until i'm in the shower and need to rinse soap/shampoo out of my eyes... and remember the most menacing, scariest effing thing it can think of. and i swear, it's not just a shower-in-general thing. the vulnerability i feel is very specific to the moment just before i need to close my eyes in the shower. and since it usually comes immediately after i've lathered up my hair or before i soap up my face, i actually go into the self-spook involuntarily picturing what horrifying thing¹ i might open my eyes to as soon as i've finished rinsing the soap from my eyes. it's like experiencing naked, 5-second, anticipatory daymares.

¹ a wild-eyed homicidal psycho, spooky ghost limbs popping out the back of my head like in "the grudge," a freaky enchanted murderous doll, dr. smith in alien form from the 1998 "lost in space" movie... all these things haunt my otherwise pleasant daily showers.